Oh sweet love, tender, mild and kind.
Without you I am lost and completely blind.

How lucky am I that heaven smiled upon me,
and sent an angel to set me free.

Your hand in mine is a utopia beyond measure,
the simple things derive the greatest pleasure.

I long for just one meeting of our lips
and my hands upon your hips.

I will hold you close and tight
through the darkest of night.

In silence my heart calls your name,
forever I shall never be the same.

Oh sweet love, brilliant, caring and gracious.
Without you I am lost to sadness most tenacious.

No valentines day cards for me.

I fucking suck teh balls.




Valentines day.


that is all.

i will no longer be using this journal due to threats i
have received from "anonymous" people.

i want to carve one inch squares out of my flesh with a rusty lime coated knife until i have none left.

then i want to solder my ears shut and staple my eye lids to my eyeballs.

after that i will proceed to remove each finger and toe nail by sticking bamboo beneath them and
pop them off.

once that is done i can then begin to drill a hole into my stomach with a grapefruit spoon. when it is deep
enough i will pour gasoline into my body and light myself on fire.

for the grand finale i will jump into a pool filled with ever clear and salt.

good bye.

fuck this place, fuck this world, fuck the person that i am.

Sometimes you need a big swift kick to the stomach to remind you that you aren't worth shit
and you don't mean a damn thing to anyone.

Sometimes you need a quick blow to the head to knock your brain loose enough to take
a step back and realize you're nothing to no one, not even yourself.

How come the world keeps kicking me in the gut and smashing me over my head as soon
as I get above the water I've been drowning in?

What the fuck is wrong with me? Seriously. What. The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. Me.

fuck you. make a mistake and five years later, only now are the bees really starting to sting.















I take my pride, and have no place to hide.

if best buy screws me out of $350 dollars I'm gonna be might pissed off.

I could even do something i might/ regret later.

i'm broken.

emotionally, financially, mentally, and physically.

i want to exchange this life.

At 3:42am strange thoughts come filtering into my room on rays from the moon, through
the slats of my window blinds. They swirl around the ceiling fan and begin to collect in the
center of my room, amassing into a giant ball of curious colours and suggested shapes.

I breath in deeply and allow these clouds of eccentric, bizarre, esoteric notions to fill my lungs
and filter through my body and become part of me.

I have seen the void limitless in its blinding possibilities. I have felt the occupied dimensions
empty of validity, true cause, and coherent structure.

   Have you ever read anything that made you take a step back and say "holy fucking shit!"

    Today i read something that just did that. I’m really begging to understand who i am and why i am who i am.

    They say the most people any one human can truly give a fuck about is roughly 150. beyond that you honestly don't/cant't care. When we think of people outside our little sphere of 150 we find it easier to be not so kind.

An example would be:

    you're twenty four. you and your friends go out for some grub at a local restaurant. while waiting for your food you hear a baby or child screaming at the top of their lungs. instantly you become mad and start complaining to your friends about how children who cry and scream in public should be forced to live in hat boxes underground so no one else has to deal with them. you make a snarky comment to the mother and father about how they need to get their child under control because you want to enjoy your food without listening to a screaming/crying infant flesh bag.

    let us fast forward eight years. you are now thirty-two. you are happily married and have a six month old. you and your wife haven't gone out much since your child was born and you really just need a night out. unfortunately you have no one to watch your child so you must take them with you. you go to a nice local restaurant for a meal. while waiting for your food your child starts to cry and scream. you look around the room and see all the other patrons glaring at you and your child. they just want to enjoy their fucking meals. they've had a rough week. how dare you bring a baby in public that could cry and scream? you over hear one of the patrons make a snarky remark about you bringing your infant flesh bag in public and you think back to that day when you said the exact same thing. this is different though, this is your baby. well just as this is your baby, that baby eight years ago was someone’s baby. probably from two parents who hadn't gone out in months and needed it as desperately as you did.

That is the sphere. We all have one. It makes us all hypocrites. It is genetically ingrained in us, to fight it is futile.

This is a list of 40 jobs that were recommended to me after answering about 100+ questionaire
from a website that jenda  posted about. For the most part it was spot on. It says the
jobs are in order of what jobs I would be best suited for. So that leaves one quesiton begging
to be asked. WTF made them think I would/could/want to be a trucker driver? Aside from that,
the ones bolded are jobs I would do and the jobs with strikethrough are ones I wouldn't
do for all the tea in China. Enjoy!


1. Truck Driver
2. Customs Broker
3. Artist
4. Critic
5. Website Designer
6. Telephone Operator
7. Comedian
8. Administrative Assistant
9. Receptionist / Information Clerk
10. Lobbyist
11. Medical Transcriptionist
12. Musician
13. Writer
14. Art Director
15. Building Inspector
16. Probation / Parole Officer
17. Corporate / Commercial Lawyer
18. Composer
19. Special Effects Technician
20. Actor
21. Announcer
22. Insurance Underwriter
23. Public Relations Specialist
24. Civil Litigator
25. Lawyer
26. Judge
27. Corporate Trainer
28. Director of Photography
29. Investment Banker
30. Archivist
31. Psychologist
32. Desktop Publisher
33. Data Entry Clerk
34. Clergy
35. Activist
36. Motivational Speaker
37. Human Resources Specialist
38. GIS Specialist
39. Paralegal
40. Medical Secretary

I was reading through a list of books banned and challenged in schools and public libraries when I came across these gems.

"Earth Science. American Book. Challenged at the Plymouth-Canton school system in Canton, Mich. (1987) because it "teaches the theory of evolution exclusively. It completely avoids any mention of Creationism...The evolutionary propaganda also underminds {sic} the parental guidance and teaching the children are receiving at home and from the pulpits." I guess their homes and pulpits didn't teach them how to spell "undermine."

"Zen Buddhism: Selected Writings. D.T. Suzuki. Doubleday. Challenged at the Plymouth-Canton school system in Canton, Mich. (1987) because "this book details the teachings of the religion of Buddhism in such a way that the reader could very likely embrace its teachings and choose this as his religion."

Anyways as I was reading through these banned and challenged books I started a list of books I'd love to read.

If any of you happen to have any of these books and would be willing to let me borrow them it would be GREATLY appreciated.

Brave New World
The Divine Comedy
Don Quixote
Fahrenheit 451
House of Leaves
The Odyssey
On the Origin of Species
Paradise Lost
Slaughterhouse-Five
The Talmud
Welcome to the Monkey House
Venus In Furs

You've got a broken heart
That's when you'll start
Having realizations
Lovely hallucinations

The bottom's a good beginning
Best place for your sinning
No deep answers come today
Leave behind morals and play

Whispers in your ears excite
Forget this world for one night
Supple sultry gentle caress
Ravage the damsel in distress

Beneath sheets veiled in dark
Naked bodies rhythmically arc
Pounding thrusting impacts
Makes the beast with two backs

transformers movie = OMG

So I've been having doubts.

About everything.

My whole view on the world.



I've got no one to talk to, who is actually available mentally and physically. I don't wanna discuss my feelings over the phone.


It's as if there are bugs crawling under my skin eating away everything to let new growth occur. It hurts to let go of people and things.


This is it.

COMMENT BITCHES!!!




My Art

A 1 String Diddley Bow Cheap or Cigar Box Guitar?

Much appreciated.

Thnx

And not mother fuckers, Im not sorry for the x-post.

Does anyone know how to mod an original xbox, or know someone who can? If so please message me and let me know. I'd be willing to pay for labor.